Beauty Seen is Never Lost

To Fajer – with apostrophies, parenthesis, and every sort of emphasis <3

I keep thinking about that protagonist I want to pen out in my futurely-written novel: I try to sew it’s parts together with open eyes and pores; stitch each fiber with a certain preciseness that only an artist with tragedy at his core could possess. I wanted a character; that refracted double-edged intelligence from humanity and spitted out kaleidoscopic beauty into existence; just like light through a prism.
I sifted through the collection I’ve soaked up over the years; characters that inked themselves on my skin, my brain cells, and all over my being.

One of them was Olivia Duhnam, the protagonist of the Sci-fiction series ‘Fringe’. I’d like my character to have her eyes; her daunting eyes that depict a raw unceasing cacophony of memory and notion; the inconceivable cruelty of human suffering that laces everything with sadness; and the intense desire to exorcise it all.

Then there was Zooey Glass, a member of the glass Family, created by the literary phenomena, J.D Salingar. I’d like my character to have his sentimentality and discernment; his cynical perceptions that defiantly shreds human behavior into pieces only he can digest; tiny little tragic truths.

And Jason Gideon, the lead of the fictional BAU team in the criminology series “ Criminal minds”. I’d like my character to have his outlet of ideas; his ability to gather the totality of being alive; being consciously aware of one’s own insignificance in this blob of mystery; and his heartbreaking tendency to behold the rotten parts of the universe and trace out their tenderness.

Rudy Steiner, that lemon-haired German boy in Markus Zusak’s novel “ The book thief”. I’d like my character to have his heart. His beautifully-crafted heart; shelled with a kind of fabric that’s only existent within those who are too sensitive to everything tangible; who feel too deeply; and who’s short life thickens every time someone’s soul is touched by them.

But amongst all, I want my character to be like you.
No,
to simply be- you- .
Your ink is the boldest, for it isn’t tattooed, it’s blood and bones- the fluid that flows within me, the fuel, and the disparity that keeps the term – leaving-, a merely italicized term.
You know, how unbearable it is to feel the burden of living too powerfully; to house within you a complexity of emotions that varies from extreme melancholia to wonderfulness to confusion to brilliance, and to radiate all that through flesh, knowledge music, and ideas. Or at least try to, every single day of our lives.
And by that – you forced me to reconfigure this world as a whole and live it on different terms. The possibilities that stemmed from the newly confounded universe rendered us both jubilant and hopeless at the same time; and just like that; we became tangled, somewhere only we can access ; a place only we can define.
That’s why, my protagonist,
is you
for I can’t possibly write something more True and vivid than that.

Posted by Diddlina at 5:53 AM