Tuesday, March 24, 2009

And I blew the candles.



They soared high ,
a wish, after another, after another.
and those dreams I built once upon a march; flew along, like birds with rainbow wings, like kites made of wooden sticks.
I ask myself, “ That girl who shaped the clouds with her finger, where is she?” when did you lose her?
Was it the day you stepped down from your father’s shoulders? Or was it then and there when you removed those glittery hairpins?

I blew the candles today, and I blew a wish. To find her, once upon a March.

Sunday, March 22, 2009



Everything is still. Nothing moves. Nothing stirs. Nothing breathes. I walk past the couch, past the torn calendar, and past the cards. That’s when they start to creep from every corner, the scent of peaches, the sound of raindrops, the sparks of laughter. And I blink.

You’re there , twirling the phone cord around your finger. Your legs moving unconsciously with every word. Listen, you say.
I blink, and its thin air again.

You’re there then, spreading the deck of cards. Hearts, spades, diamonds, clubs. You’re cheating! You hide the cards behind your back and smile triumphantly. With trembling hands, I lift a card but its thin air again.
You’re there then, flipping the calendar, circling dates with a flowery heart. January, it’s when they wed. February, it’s when I work. March, it’s when she grows. I blink and its thin air again.
June, it’s when she dies.
I tug my necklace unconsciously and smile as I recall the things you wanted to do. We’ll build a snowman, one that never melts. We’ll race a river, one that never ends.

I am there then, my world is surrounded by swirls of light that dripped and overtook my vision, blinding me, bewildering me. I could feel myself falling within my being, the walls caving, the light dimming, the calendar tearing, the cards flying. My heartbeat is erratic, no longer with your words.
Pure agony. My soul is splintering, cracking, dying. And I fall into a state of utter loss.
She was gone.

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