Beauty Seen is Never Lost

We’d spontaneously decide to have a stroll in the Zoo. That’s how we were, impulsive, irrational, with a tad of insanity. We’d reach the gates of the Zoo and as always we’d mock the city’s inability to create a better establishment, we’d discuss the pathetic state of the walls, and we’d finally compare it with other Zoos that we’ve set foot in during our lifetime. We’d walk in and start with the flamingos. We’d watch them for a few minutes, and then you’d make a comment about the beauty of their feathers. “ They look like watercolor paint” you’d say. I’d remind you that their beauty is supposed to lie in their ability to remain still on one leg, and you’d shrug it off as a “cliche”. We’d walk towards the birdcages, and watch them flutter desperately from corner to corner. You’d make a sad comment about how a bird’s existence depends on its freedom and I’d remind you that you had a parrot at home. We’d then move to the Ghazals, and we’d be stunned into silence for a few seconds, mesmerized by the golden creatures, and then you’d say “ It’s been said that my name holds the meaning of a “ Ghazal””. We’d stop for a snack, sit on the bench, and talk about the future. You’d look me seriously in the eye and ask me if I had decided where my passions lie. I’d know then the purpose of the outing. “ I am indecisive!” id says. And then you’d do what you always do; underestimate yourself at my expense. You’d tell me all about the opportunities you’ve missed; all about the dreams you’ve wanted to attain; and finally you’d tell me that it all lies within me. And then, I’d feel it. You’d make me see it all. The future, I’d own it, and tomorrow, I’d soar.
.....
That’s how I’d imagine it, because that’s what’s really left. Shreds of memories, shreds of imagination, and shreds of the “now” that doesn’t include you. But, I certainly hadn’t soared, and I’m scared. I’m unable to make the right decisions; and all I’m doing is in the realm of “ appropriate”. You used to tell me that I was the one who embraced the word “ crazy”, and that people would envy me for my ability to stump fear.I can hold snakes and tickle spiders; but what about that damn fear that resides within? What about that?! I can’t hold time, and every day I’d tell myself “ Today, I’d be”, I’d find myself at the end of the day with a promise for tomorrow.
It kills.
That’s what I get for flying higher than I am capable of.

Posted by Diddlina at 10:31 PM