A crust from somewhere deep within,
They tell me about your childhood. “Jenni Ramad”, the Ashen monster. That’s what you were called. “ He toyed with the world” they said. Destroyed. Ruined. Caused pain. “As a kid, his life didn’t pause for a second. From the pit of dirt holes,to the back of vegetable trucks, and from wells of cement, to streets of asphalt; his face was never clean, it was always dusted, layered; and nothing could be seen but those dark irises peeking through. His hair had a life of its own; color-drained and sticking out; no matter how often it was washed and combed.”
But then you grew, and that Ashen boy, found new ways of destruction; ones that destroyed what’s within, and turned their way inside out. “ A drug addict? The bottom pit of society, that’s where he resides. At the deep rotten bottom”. And you didn’t care. That permanent smirk you had stuck to your face said it all. You knew so well how much pain you were inflicting upon those who were ready to lift their gazes and turn a blind eye for you. But you, simply, took yourself out of that family portrait, and tore it down to bits and pieces.
I loathed you to no extent. You were the villain.
Until, that day, when the world crashed down on our heads, and you found yourself unable to breathe. That dust which surrounded everything in your life? It had finally cleared out. Leaving you with the bitter reprimands of a guilty conscious., You were consumed then. By loss, by grief, and a love you hadn’t known. But those underneath cannot in any way rise, can they now? You’ve heard them “ the bottom pit of society; they never change”. One couldn’t acquire a new skin. You couldn’t just swallow that past of yours, not with those judgmental stares hovering around you. All; waiting for you to flinch. Your ultimate fall. It was the most spoken theory all around. “ People never change”.
But you tried. And that weakness, which led you to succumb to those desires in the past, had been overshadowed by that strength, that undeniable will power to recreate your soul. And you’re it now. You’re it. In my eyes, you’re it.
They might shrug, with doubt and disbelief, but I know, and you know, that sometimes, it takes a profound wound, to make you see, what it’s like to be loved and what it costs to love someone. The cape is yours now, you’ve earned it.
And I ask God, the one who can give and take all,
to give you the strength and the ability to finally look at yourself in the mirror, and see the man that you are now, and not that Ashen boy; never that ashen boy.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
She was a vision,
a breathtaking dream,
a moment, forever framed in time.
Poetry became weightless, and words were trapped in throats.
Motionless, they all remained, and their eyes, transfixed, mesmerized,
for she was a beauty, one that’s too surreal, to belong to this world.
All she was, All she became, and All she will become, was right there, in that moment, and will forever be.
“Forever and always”, That's friendship, she said.
and I believed her,
Tonight, she was, the forever,
she was the yesterday we folded, and she was the tomorrow we had dreamed of
, and in those eyes, lay infinity,
in those beautiful eyes, lay an endlessness; that surpasses time and space.
She, was, a bride that had never been,
for she had, grabbed reality, twisted it, and tip-toed on a divine dream.
Happy Wedding day S, May your life be filled with carousels, icecream cones, and everything you perceive to be beautiful, for you deserve nothing less.
Tonight, you, were, flawless.
Friday, January 01, 2010
And there it goes, yet another year.
In between, we wept, and in between, we embraced those surreal dreams. We loved, we grieved, and we became.
And here comes tomorrow,
With an exquisite beauty; wandering clouds, breathing down on us, with their poetic promises.
Here’s to a blissful new year,
May we all find our ways this time around,
Thursday, December 17, 2009
My hands brushed over their worn-out spines swiftly. Their bold titles flashed intensly.With closed eyes, I still know them one by one.
You, you were there when the cadence of time ceased to tick; when air became as thick as lead; when there was nothing more to grasp but that poised rope of prayer. You shielded my teeming mind, numbing all the “ what if’s” and instead, you placed that vivid, vastness of blue ; The Atlantic. Endless, that’s what it was. My eyes saw no borders, no beginnings,and no ends. Nothing but that mystifying vasteness of blue. The wind, and the rays of that raging sun, engulfed me and filled my nostrils with that misty scent of seaweeds, of hunger, of misery. But it wasn’t mine. It belonged to that shadow of a boy, on the wooden raft, in the middle, of nowhere. That ocean, and its catastrophic beauty. You, you gave me that glimpse of a landscape; that glimpse of an abstract; and you whispered. “ There is the universe, there is the earth, there is the deep abyss of the ocean, and then another, and then another, and then there is that boy and his misery; a dot that barely matters. Look outside that head of yours, every once in a while”.
You, you were there when that tiny illustrated plane on the screen seemed permanently paused; when the edges of that seat were bruised from the might of my clutch. You, showered me with snow; soft, feathery flakes that made me wonder if that was the taste of the clouds hovering outside my window. My bones were chilled, and I knew of a winter, that came in July.
You, you were there when those night devils crowned my body; when darkness made me almost heave out of loneliness; when I mourned yesterday’s death and feared tomorrow’s birth. You were there, with that breathtaking garden of secrets; and curiosity gnawed at me. Petals of blooming flowers, daffodils and bluebells, filled my usually tear-drenched pillow. And that sweet perfume of theirs chased the night devils away.
You, you were there when grief swept the grounds beneath me; when those heart muscles of mine were beyond repair; when scents, voices, and faces assaulted every fiber of my being. You tickled me with your oozing sarcasm, with your twisted sense of humor, and that world of nonsense you took me to. And with you, i laughed. Wholeheartedly.
My fingers, traced those spines; one shelf, after the other, trying to get a feel of those lives; a billion of them. A billion of universes, some I was thrown into, others awaiting my arrival, with an easing hand, ready to be placed on that loud, disastrous mind. One day, I tell them, one day, ill conquer you all. One day, ill have a spine of my own, stretching an easing hand to someone else.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
“ I know who stole the mighty sun!” . You whisper in my ears, as you look at me with those eyes of yours. Eyes that miss beauty when it’s gone, eyes that see perfection in the sunken earth, and simplicity in every corner.
“ Who?” I ask, incredulous at such a thought.
“ The dragon!” you say, trying hard to explain. “ the dragon swallowed it for he ran out of fireballs!”. You said, with a voice that came from deep within, where those small miraculous beliefs and dreams of yours reside. My little boy what have you done to me?
“ But what are we going to do now? How are we going to get the sun back?”. I asked, as I watched you immerse deep into your thoughts, looking around for that answer, for to you, the sky cannot be mutilated; no, the sky cannot have a hole where the sun should be.
“ I’ll get it back”. You stood, with determination. And there it was, that sheer beauty in those eyes of yours.
“ But he’s powerful, he has fireballs after all! How would you fight him?” I asked, unable to contain the liveliness your words brought to my fragile heart.
“I’ll fight him with water! I will drink the ocean!”
Little one, everytime, my fingers slip away, there you are, rescuing me, like you rescued the sun.
You and your world of imaginary monsters.
You and your field of dragons.
You and your endless weapons.
You, my little one, you.
I love you much more than my heart could muster.